The PVA Super Heroes Club Have An Election!

A Friday in April. The teenage superheroes of PVA waited in the meeting room for their President and Treasurer to arrive. Charlie Summers made a motion to enjoy the beautiful spring day outside. As the vote was being taken, Jock McSwaggin realized he hadn’t been paying attention to the question and punched Ruaidri Fitzwarren for the answer. “Ow!” Ruaidri rubbed his bruised arm. The group agreed to hold their meeting in the school courtyard, much to the chagrin of the new girl, Holly.

Holly hated the sun. Holly wore the same uniform as everyone else, but it was somehow darker on her.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” Charlie said politely to Holly. “Who are you? What do you do?” Holly cast a dark look at Charlie. “I don’t care.” Charlie’s face crumpled. “I... I don’t either.”  He nodded at her. “That’s pretty cool.”

Jock sidled over to Holly. “So, new girl, did it hurt?... When you fell out of Deviant Art? Whatcha doing later?” Holly’s eyes met Jock’s. He immediately turned to Carria Stonecipher. “So, Carria, whatcha doing later?” The artist’s lip curled half in amusement, half in annoyance. “Nothing, Jock. We are doing nothing.” Just then the glass doors of the school opened and Josh Blake came out into the sunshine, looking a bit flustered. “Guys! You didn’t leave a note or anything. I’ve walked around the school like twice looking for you! Jenna couldn’t make it today. She’s had kind of a nervous breakdown due to all the added pressure of taking on the duties of vice-president, since… you know….” The rest of the group exchanged looks. Josh led the way to a shaded area on the lawn and everyone sat down. “So what did everyone do this week?” Jock snickered. “What did we do this week? I think you mean who did I do this week.” Josh nodded in a reassuring way. “Yes, I thought we’d go ahead and get that joke out of the way.” Just then, Jock became distracted by a blade of grass and began to educate Ruaidri on the finer pronunciation of “football” (spelled ‘l-a-c-r-o-s-s-e’ but it’s French and the t is silent). Ruaidri disentangled himself from the conversation and revealed to the group that he had developed some nubs on his back that he thought might be wings. Jean and Holly both talked about their chemistry class. When Josh had the floor again, he revealed some important news. “I have been talking to Principal Apul, and he has agreed to become our sponsor. He said he’d be sending us some conditions and give us some projects coming up. As I said earlier, Jenna is simply too stressed out to carry on with the duties of Treasurer and VP. We’re going to need a new VP. I’d like you all to consider running for the open spot. Jenna has volunteered to put together a ballot, a party for election day, and we can have speeches.”

The group, accepting this information, moved their conversation to weekend plans. Ruaidri revealed that he could play the guitar quite well. He and Lawrence had a song and dance. Everyone was very impressed with Lawrence’s dancing.

''FAST FORWARD TO MONDAY End of Day '' “Does anyone have anything to add?”rotund, bespectacled Dr. Aspin peered at the class. Charlie’s hand shot up. The rest of the class groaned. Some 20 minutes later, he joined Ruaidri in the hall. As the pair made their way through the masses of students, Ruaidri collided with a large athletic mountain, dropping his handdrawn posters. The mountain turned around, a black scowl tearing his face. “What the hell, nerd, I’ll beat the shit out of you.” “I think not,” Charlie said quietly, stepping between the mountain and Ruaidri. “You don’t want to do that.” The mountain snorted. “Ain’t worth my time.”  He shouldered his way into the river of students and was gone. “Thanks,” Ruaidri gathered up his posters.

Not paying attention to paperwork deadlines had backfired and Carria was languishing in Ms. Stuart’s Home Economics class. It was a few minutes before the final bell that would begin the weekend. “Carria, would you say a few words about your illustration of feng shui in the home?” Carria’s face went scarlet. “As you can see from my illustration of feng shui in the home there are no lines pointing toward the door and there is no red on the wall facing east and that’s all I have to share.” “Thank you, Carria,” Ms. Stuart smiled in her grandmotherly way.

Jean sat rigid in his seat in Dr. Richardson’s chemistry class. Richardson was about the hand back the tests, but it seemed he had some words for the class first: “You all did fucking terrible on the test. Jean was the only student who came anywhere close to passing. Now get the hell out of my classroom."     The members of the PVA SHC made their various ways up to the club classroom, all except for Jock who was sitting in Rm. 2407.   After putting up his “A NEW DAWN, VOTE 4 CHARLIE” posters, Charlie called Jock to try to help him find Rm. 1407.      Ruaidri put up his posters as well.   Ford Ford came to look at the one of Ruaidri handing a homeless man a sandwich.  A few tears of admiration quickly accompanied the appreciative nod.      Jenna entered Rm. 1407.  “Oh, you’re all here!”  She smiled brightly, as people who are rather dim do.  “You must be the new girl,” she said to Holly.  “I’ve heard all about you.”      “You sent me an invitation to be in the club,” Holly reminded her.      “ Oh, right! Well, I’m so glad we have someone who can manipulate emotions now… ha, ha… oh this was so much easier when we had Willem around. ”      Charlie covered the mouthpiece of his phone. “I’m just going to get Jock. I’ll be right back.”  He handed the phone to Ruaidri. “Talk to him for a second.” It didn’t take long to reach Rm. 2407 where a very confused Jock waited. “Whoa, if I’m talking to you on the phone but you’re here with me but your phone still has a voice on it but you’re not talking…” “Easy, big guy.” The pair began the make their way back to Rm. 1407.  By the stairs they found Principal Apul on the phone. He seemed upset, and a bit of eavesdropping garnered the student heroes the information that Josh (“Mr. Blake”) would soon have business at a different school. Not fully understanding this bit of intel, the two hurried on.

Back in Rm. 1407, Jenna had been talking about the expected party on Friday. “It’ll be so much fun!” she gushed, “I’ll have balloons, and banners, and music, and streamers, and food, and…”  The flow of information and excitement was shut off by Principal Apul entering the room. Once he had the club’s attention, Principal Apul spoke. “As you may know, I have agreed to be the sponsor for your club. I will want you to do some projects and activities soon, but I will tell you about those later. I know you may be in wonderment at what happened to Josh Blake, and I must tell you he has been assigned as a diplomat to another school in order to recruit during their after school hours. He will continue his education here, but these duties mean he can no longer be President of the SHC. ” This announcement was met with some excitement. Ruaidri immediately began peeling the words “Vice” off his election posters. “If you have any questions or concerns, you know how to get in touch with me. Have a good weekend.”  As quickly as he appeared, Principal Apul was gone. “Does anyone else find that odd?” Carria said aloud to no-one in particular. Ruaidri beckoned to Jock. “Do you want to join me tonight?” “Whoa, guy,” Jock held up a hand. “No homo.” Ruaidri shook his head, “I mean it. I have been going out on patrol to stop crime. I call myself the Shadow Dragon.” Ford suggested the club fight crime as a team. Jenna seemed reluctant. “I don’t know about that, Ford. Josh would never have wanted us to do something like that, and this isn’t the comics. We could get hurt.” “It’s our job to help people,” Ruaidri argued. “I agree,” Jean spoke up. “We need to help protect the masses.” “Look, if you want to come out tonight, meet at the 6-Ten at sunset. “ The group nodded, and Jenna said weakly,  “Don’t forget… speeches on Friday!”

That evening at sunset, a small group met behind the 6-Ten Convenience Store. Ford was dressed head to toe in a white outfit. He said he would call himself White Lightning and struck a heroic pose. “That’s kind of dumb. Did you come up with that?”  someone asked. Ford shook his head and said that he didn’t like the name either, that he just didn’t have anything better, that he hadn’t really thought about it yet, okay. Jock had disguised himself masterfully—in his own mind. He wore his letter jacket with the collar popped up and was feeling very proud of himself until someone pointed out that the jacket actually read “MCSWAGGIN” on the back (with YEAH, YOU TOO in the tail). Ruaidri and Lawrence wore their Shadow Dragon costumes. Holly was still in her dark school uniform. Not surprisingly, nobody cared. Charlie wore all red, with a bandana over his face. This made him look like a Platelits member but that was a chance he was willing to take. Carria wore street clothes, most noticeably a hoodie and a leather “Lone Ranger” style mask. Nerd. Jean formed white diamond armor and was very shiny. “You may call me Shard.”

“What are you all wearing… oh never mind.”  Ruaidri lead the way to the street corner. “I’ve just been walking around seeing if there was anything evil going on.”  The group moved down the street. The next block up, they came across a young lady shaking with her hands up in front of an ATM. A figure in a black jacket, who appeared to be holding a gun, growled at her just in time for the young heroes to hear: “Put in your PIN!” Immediately Charlie sprang into action. Manipulating the thug’s blood, he soon had the man’s arms in the air. “OW!” the villain cried out. “What’s happening?!” “Drop the gun!” Charlie ordered. Jock sprang forward and tackled the thug. “Hope you like bowling, cause I just pinned you!”   The man passed out from the pain (and the puns). Jock whipped out his cell phone and dialed 911. “911, what is your emergency?” came the nasal voice of the operator. “I have a guy pinned down here. He was trying to rob someone. At the ATM. At the bank.” “I show you’re calling from a cell phone. May I have your name and location?” “I just told you. At the ATM at the bank.” Jock looked at his friends. “What else do I tell them?” The group looked at him helplessly. “Don’t give your name,” someone said quietly. “I have a gun too! I’ll shoot him if you don’t come get him!” Jock yelled into the phone and then hung up. “That’ll get them here quick.” “Well that’s dandy,” Carria shook her head. “Sure to win bonus points with the officers.” “We need to not be here when they arrive,” Charlie said. “Let’s go.” Ruaidri whipped out some kitchen-grade zip ties. “I brought these to tie him up.” Ford noted that those could be easily broken out of, if one twisted their wrists in the right way. “Yeah, well, what do you suggest then,” Ruaidri made a face. Shard quickly resolved the issue by restraining the man's hands against the ground with crystal cuffs. “Let’s go!” Charlie urged again. Everyone beat a hasty retreat down the street. About an hour later they found themselves close to the barrio in front of Jose’s Flower Shop. A suspicious looking character was leaning against the stoop. “Something I can do you for?” he leered at Holly. Jock and Charlie again stepped forward. “We’ve got some questions for you. First of all, who are you?” The man smiled an ugly smile revealing a mouth full of metal. “Called Chainsaw. Guess why.” “Do you chop off the legs of speedsters?” Ruiadir piped up brightly. “The fuck…? I don’t know what a speedster is.”  Chainsaw’s ugly smile was replaced with an uglier look of disdain. His right foot unconsciously nudged the guitar case a little closer to his body. “What are you doing here?” Charlie pressed. “My cousin’s store,” Chainsaw snapped. “I’m watching it.” “Oh? What’s in the guitar case?” “A guitar, what you think, ese? You know, I’m getting sick of your questions.” As he spoke, Chainsaw took an aggressive step forward. Charlie held up his hands in an appeasing gesture.

"Let's just calm down here. I'm interested in buying."

Sensing potential profit on the horizon, Chainsaw relaxed. "Oh yeah? Well, I got something you need. I got the good stuff man, you ever heard of JooJoo? " “He’s got drugs!” Charlie announced. “Jock, do your thing.” Jock grinned and punched the offender in the face. The hit was so hard, it knocked out parts of Chainsaw’s “grill.” Jean (Shard) began to search  Chainsaw’s unconscious body. “Found a gun!” he said, holding it up. “And ID… his name is Jimenez Hernandez.” “Call 911,” Ruiadri began, then stopped. “I’ll do it.”  He pulled out his phone, had a brief conversation with the operator, then came back to the group. “Ready to go?”

FAST FORWARD

The following Friday...

The following Friday was the PVA SHC election day. Each candidate gave a rousing speech accompanied by appropriate music, but in the end, the vote went to Ruaidri (and Lawrence) for President. He chose Holly as his vice president. For his first act  as President, Ruaidri held a brainstorming session to discuss raising funds for the club. “Umm, how about a bake sale?” Jenna smiled. Nobody could think of anything better, so they agreed. “Oh, Ruaidri, you need to ask Principal Apul though. We need his approval.” “Okay...” Ruiadri swallowed hard. “I’ll go ask him right now.” Jock leapt up, “I’ll go with you. Bodyguard the President!” Carria quickly sketched a pair of sunglasses. “Here, you’ll need these.”  Jock slid them over his eyes. “Niiice.”

Ruaidri and Jock trotted downstairs into the office area to find the principal. As they entered his outer office, they were met by the secretary, Ms. Flatbottom, who checked with Apul before she ushered the duo into the cool, quiet inner office. The principal glanced up at them. “Pardon me, gentlemen. I am finishing up some transfer documents. “  A few keyboard clacks later, he met their eyes, saying, “So you want to have a bake sale. I see no reason why this could not work. Would you want to hold it during lunches?” “Uh, we were thinking during lunches and after school, Monday through Thursday next week?” Ruaidri said. “Well, I cannot allow students to be making food without a permit,” Apul said, “But if, perhaps, the food was made on campus and the making of the food was supervised by maybe the Home Economics teacher or one of our food technicians, this would be acceptable.” Ruaidri nodded. “Now, why do you want these funds?” “Uh, we were thinking of maybe for club activities, social stuff, field trips, guest speakers? Maybe a visit to the local hall of justice?” Principal Apul nodded thoughtfully. “We will see about those things,” he said. “But I will give you approval for fundraising first. Please go speak to Ms. Stuart about supervising the baking and have her send me an email to confirm.”

As they were on their way back upstairs, Jock, with brow furrowed in intense concentration said, “You know, he said it was okay for us to have a bake sale before you asked him.” “Yeah,” Ruaidri agreed casually. “I think he’s a demigod or something.” They entered Rm. 1407.  “He said it was all good!” “Yay!” Jenna clapped excitedly. “Carria and I can get Ms. Stuart to supervise us, right Carria? We can bake, we’re in home ec!”  Just then her phone rang. “Oh, excuse me. It’s my Dad… Hello?”  A brief, frustrated conversation followed, that ended with the cheerleader angrily hanging up her phone. “Ugh. My Dad’s freaking out. I have to go. Carria, I guess it’s on you to talk to Ms. Stuart.” “Fffffffu…ine. Fine.” Carria looked up from her sketchbook. “I’ll ask her.”

Carria took a deep breath and knocked on the door to her seventh period classroom. “Come in,” croaked an ancient voice from within. “Hi Ms. Stuart.” “Carria, what a nice surprise… who are your friends?” “This is the PVASH club no reason we just like those letters,” Carria’s words tumbled out. “We were wondering if you’d supervise our bake sale.” “Oh, a bake sale!” a smile lit up the teacher’s face. “Yes, I’d be happy to help watch you. I’ll have to send an email to the Principal and ask him for the OK, but I’m sure that won’t be a problem.” “Thank you.” “See you on Monday, Carria. Have a nice weekend!” “You too ma’am bye.”

Once back in the club meeting room, the group began to discuss what type of baked goods they were going to make. They determined a trip to the nearby grocery store was necessary. “Let’s walk,” Carria suggested. “It’s nice outside. We can take the groceries to my house after.”

On the way to the store, the heroes passed a lemonade stand. Behind the counter stood a little girl. “Hey! Would you like some lemonade? $2 for a cup!” This little girl clearly meant business. Her lemonade stand was no pitcher-and-cup organization. She had two spout containers and large solo cups. Charlie bought a cup and downed it. “Huh… tastes kind of funny.”   Ruaidri bought a cup as well. “Yeah, it kind of does. Let’s go.”  He continued to walk down the sidewalk, not noticing the group hadn’t followed. “If the rest of you aren't going to buy, I need you to clear off the sidewalk. I can't have bums blocking the display.” Jock’s eyes narrowed. “Ha-ha, you're a funny little girl.”  He approached the girl and her booth. “Give me your money!” he demanded. In response, the girl opened her mouth and screamed. This attracted the attention of a passing police officer who immediately came over. “Is there some trouble here?” “This guy wants to take my money!” “No, officer, I want to give her money in exchange for some tasty lemonade.” “I enjoy a glass of lemonade, always have. But are these people bothering you, young lady?” “Uh, I’m not with him,” Jean said, a bit too loudly. “And he did try to take the girl’s money.” “Officer, I would never,” Jock insisted, smiling a world-class athlete smile. “This has all been a big misunderstanding. Can I buy you a glass of lemonade?”  He threw the first bill he found in his wallet at the lemonade stand. A few minutes later, the officer walked away, no citation issued, no arrest made. “Can we please go to the grocery store now,” Carria begged. The group caught up with Ruaidri, who seemed surprised to see they hadn’t been with him the whole time. They made it to the store and finished their shopping in relatively short time. As they stepped up to the counter to make the purchase, Charlie made eye contact with the clerk. The young man behind the register seemed livid. He yanked the employee phone down and spoke quickly, “Susan, can you come get this order.”  He walked very quickly through the Employees Only door. An older woman took his place and completed the heroes' checkout. Charlie cast a look backward at the store as they walked away. “That was really weird,” he said to no-one in particular. “Let’s take this stuff back to my house,” Carria sighed. “I guess I’m in charge of baking too. At least until Jenna gets her shit in gear.” Their journey took them back toward the school. This side street was empty, as everyone had already gone home to begin their weekend. Suddenly, from behind the group, a voice came echoing to the heroes’ ears. “SUMMER! I will have my revenge! I.  AM. 8-TRACK!”

“What the fuck…?” The team turned around. Charlie narrowed his eyes at the villain. “It’s that guy from the grocery store.” With flourish, 8-Track pressed a play button on the deck attached to his chest and The Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” filled the air. “The same guy as the Better Buy!” Jock took a step forward. “Wow,” Carria said quietly. “I swear that’s like the third time today Jock’s used some form of logic.” “Stand back, you guys, I’ll handle him,” Charlie’s eyes were focused. He made to grab at 8-Track’s blood, but missed. 8-Track responded by flinging his hands towards the heroes. A sonic sound blast had each one of them covering their ears and groaning aloud. Charlie didn't move. He did, however, have a ringing in his ears that left him severely annoyed. Ford took a run at 8-Track moving at his super-speed, threw a punch, but tripped and missed completely. At the same time, Jock moved away from the group and began to go through a series of athletic stretches. Jean couldn't handle that—“Jock, what the hell are you doing?” The athlete ignored his teammate and continued to stretch. Holly focused on 8-Track and murmured something about crushing despair. He curled in on himself and a little trickle of blood came from his nose. “Is that the best you got? Heroes?” Jean’s outstretched arm brought shards of diamond raining down on 8-Track’s head. He snarled as part of his equipment splintered away. “Hey, man, watch the merchandise!” Ruaidri took 8-Track’s moment of upset to inhale and exhale a massive burst of fire that engulfed the hipster villain. Shockingly, 8-Track emerged only slightly singed. He clutched his stomach as wave after wave of nausea swept over his body. He managed a groan and saw Charlie grinning at him. Several vinyl albums from Carria’s direction bounced off his head and shattered harmlessly on the pavement in a cloud of graphite. The multiple attacks left 8-Track stunned. During this time, Ford made his way around the entire neighborhood, building up speed for a big attack. By the time he reached 8-Track, he was running too fast to accurately estimate where his target was, so he took off to try again. Jock crossed the street to speak with a very attractive jogger. “You can stop running after your dreams, beautiful, I’m right here.” “You’re going to get chlamydia,” Carria called, as she scribbled furiously in her notebook. “Uh, no,” Jock gave her a disgusted look. “Her name’s Roxanne. ”    8-Track looked like he was about to stand back up and continue the fight, so Holly concentrated her emotional dredge on him and he took a knee again. Jean created a large crystal anvil-object and went to drop it on 8-Track’s head, but he was able to roll out of the way. He saw Ruaidri take another breath and staggered to his feet to escape the fire attack. “Damnation!” By this time, Charlie had moved around to the side of the fight and was able to manipulate 8-Track’s blood. He howled in pain as Charlie threw him to the ground. “SUMMER!!” Carria had finished her drawing of a big-ass magnet and now she pointed it right at the crumpled figure on the ground. While no exterior effect was felt, it should be noted that several of the 8-track tapes were corrupted beyond repair. A victory, by our heroes. Powered by anger, 8-Track forced himself to stand and performed another sonic sound blast. He moved quickly, and Holly, Carria, and Charlie were caught off-guard. Ruaidri felt a migraine coming on. Jean, for some reason, remained unfazed. Once again Ford came dashing around, intending to hit 8-Track in the back of the head. He unfortunately tripped, however, nearly taking out Holly completely, but ended up plowing into a wall instead. 8-Track’s bitter, mocking laugh was heard after the resounding crack of the wall. “Jock!” Jean yelled. “Where are you??” Jock was busy dancing. …Don’t stand so, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me… “Get in the fight, man!” Jean swung his crystal sword at 8-Track but overextended and missed. The hipster villain performed another area sound blast that knocked Holly right off her feet. Jean, who had been standing too close to the origin of the blast was similarly stunned. The wave put Ford back on the ground as well. “Guess this is how it feels to have a team member abandon your ass,” Jock called to Jean. “Remember earlier?” Ruaidri shook his head and prepared himself for a full fire blast. His green-tinged skin took on a slightly darker shade as he unleashed a hell-fury upon 8-Track. This was the last straw for 8-Track and he passed out right in the middle of the road. “Ugh, you just can’t beat that sounnnd…”  Charlie stood and approached 8-Track. He leaned over and whispered “Embrace the future,” and dropped a Wild Jackalopes CD on his face. As the final victor, Ruaidri was allowed to remove 8-Track’s armor/costume for a trophy. “What the hell, man, I can’t believe you didn’t join us for this fight,” Jean shook his head at Jock. “Just because…” “Because you were a little bitch earlier! Ratting me out to the cop over $5.” “It was the principle of the matter.” “It was stupid,” Jock retorted. “And I—“ “Guys, I think the milk needs to get to refrigerator. And the eggs,” Ruaidri indicated the bags of groceries sitting on the ground. Jock shrugged. “Whatever.” Ford suggested someone carry Holly, as she was still unconscious. He also requested details about what he may have missed due to crashing into a wall.

Carria’s house was in the middle of the row of houses in a middle-class neighborhood. The group trooped up the stairs as Carria unlocked the door. Inside the modest establishment, there was a man in a polo passed out in an armchair, surrounded by empty beer bottles. “My Dad, everyone,” Carria’s face was turning a peculiar shade of pink. “We can put the groceries in my fridge.” Jock lay Holly on the shabby but clean sofa. “Your fridge? What’s in this one?” He opened the large white fridge to find nothing but a wall of beer. “Holy….” “Yeah, that’s my Dad’s fridge. There’s nothing else in there but beer.” Jock nodded appreciatively. “Cool.” “Make yourself at home,” Carria said, opening the red mini-fridge on the left side of the room. Jock grabbed a beer. Jean knocked it out of his hand. Jock shot a dark look at him and grabbed another. Jean repeated his action. “I don’t condone underage drinking.” “For fuck’s sake!” Carria exclaimed. “Clean that up, please. You don’t know what Dad will be like when he wakes up if he finds that shit on the floor. Besides, nobody cares if you guys drink here. I said make yourselves at home, so everyone is welcome to drink what you will and stay for the night.”

And they did.

The End